But then, April. It was the 9th anniverdary of my dad's death which seemed to hit me really hard, and I just couldn't climb out of it. I was really, utterly sad. I was managing to keep a bright face on things, because I'm very good at masking things. But underneath, I was quiet and sad and Lee was worried about me.
On the 29th of April he had a gig in Scunthorpe and before that he was going to record with his new band, so he'd be gone most of the day. I was dreading being left by myself. I'm used to being alone but for once I was feeling lonely. I tried to make arrangements with people but everyone was busy. I thought about going to the cinema and decided I'd head to Wakefield to get a few bits I needed.
It turned out Lee had time to get lunch with me, so we went to the pub just up the street from us which does really good chips. I had a burger and he had a chicken burger and then I went off to Wakefield and he went off to Sheffield.
I called in on my grandma to see if she wanted to come out with me. She didn't - she was tired - but I talked to her for a bit anyway. She gave me some bluebells from her garden which I put into a little vase when I got home. I went to Sainsbury's first, and treated myself to some new jewellery and a new handbag while I was there. I was cross because I couldn't buy my mum's birthday present there, which was annoying. I went to Halford's to get a new brake light and to get them to fit it - something which I'm really glad they do as Lee and I are pretty rubbish at cars!
While I was there I was checking Instagram and my friend Holly had been to Starbucks which reminded me I could stop at the one near my mum's house on the way home. I went to Office World or whatever it's called to get stuff Sainsbury's didn't have, and went to Argos for my mum's birthday present. Then I set off home and went through the Starbucks drive thru which is much less anxiety inducing for me. I got an iced drink and a hot latte, and a muffin. Near my house I stopped at the shop to buy some stuff for tea for me and some alcohol.
When I got home I sorted out the washing, took the cat outside in the garden for a bit, fed her, and then got into my pyjamas. I came upstairs to my attic room and emailed with my BFF while we watched a TV show at the same time. It's one of my favourite ways to spend time with someone while not actually being in the same place as them! By this time I was feeling okay. I felt like I'd achieved a lot and was happy to be by myself again.
I'd bought passionfruit and apple Old Mout Cider which I'd never had before, but I really liked it! I'm looking forward to trying their other flavours. I went to bed around 11 whihc Ivy was happy about, and then Lee got home around midnight.
I was very gentle with myself and practiced some self care (like the pyjamas) while also treating myself (Starbucks/cider/whatever else). These are the best ways I know of dealing with depression. I know I will be okay, in time. I know too that days like this really help.
Mango and passonfruit iced thingummy. It was delicious and really refreshing.
New handbag. It was just £14! I thought it would be ideal for my holiday because it is very roomy and has zip closures.
The rings I bought. I was impressed with Sainsbury's jewellery actually
The bluebells my grandma gave me :)