Monday, August 18, 2014

Blog Every Day in August - Day 18

This is going to be a quick post. I don't want to break my streak in blogging every day this month because I'm really enjoying it and because I think it's opening up my blogging past just fashion, which I'm also enjoying.

However, I want to be honest here too. I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression and have done since I was very little. I first took an anti-depressant when I was 14 and I've been on and off medication ever since. I've had two episodes of near breakdown in the past 8 years, and I've dealt with my dad's death by suicide in that time, too. Earlier this year I came off my medication and although I've been doing okay I have had some extremely low days.

It ebbs and flows - May and June were awful, July was better. This past week I've been not sleeping and I'm bouncing off the walls with anxiety about something - but I'm not exactly sure what. That's the worst part - if only I could direct the anxiety towards something I'd feel a lot better.

I ended up staying awake until 5am this morning reading, because it was better than lying in bed not being asleep. I finished my book and I fell asleep until 9.30 when the post lady woke me up. I've been trying to write a post all day, but it hasn't happened.

I hate anxiety, depression, and all that they rob from me. If I could live my life without them, I really would.

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